Author: Advisor to Men

THE TEAM HUMAN SHIELD

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Enjoy the video.  I had to compress it to a slightly lower quality to get it on this site but it’s more than viewable, the sound quality is fine and so are the images.
So here it is: The Team Human Shield: Two Life Forces…

The Masculine Maturity Shield

 

PRESENTED TO YOU BY:

THE MASCULINE MATURITY SHIELD

Note: after watching, ask how you can apply these principles to other areas of life.
Even if a man does not have a relationship, a partner, children, etc. it STILL falls to him.
He defends meaning and freedom for all.
Nature’s system doesn’t work any other way…

CHRISTOPHER K WALLACE
Advisor to Men™
For the Defender Board of Directors

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THE RESPECT & LOYALTY SHIELD

This video is part of a series offered for the protection of the spirit and soul of men…

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true and free…
cw

WOKEMARE


WOKE-MARE
Much has been done over my lifetime to confront racial inequalities, advance women’s rights, and foster gay and lesbian tolerance. Some argue these things were long overdue.

However, the pendulum of change has swung so far to the other side that western cultures now embrace feminine traits wholesale in the absence of a counter balancing masculine.

We appear to be facing an egalitarian comeuppance: a steady movement over decades towards the feminization of society, with an intolerance we sought to avoid; free speech is now in trouble.

The “woke” movement (a term originally used in reference to African American social and political issues), has been broadened to include exaggerated ideas about sexism, LGBTQ rights, racism, slavery reparations, colonial injustice, the globalist diversity, equity and inclusion (DEI), and white privilege. It uses power as its guiding principle and equality of outcome as its goal.

With the traditional nuclear family under attack by forces of social change in the west and elsewhere over the past several generations, Team Human has lost its footing.

As confused males failed to defend, the culture became fertile ground for chaos over order.

In describing its absurdity, professor Peter Kaufman of Birkbeck College, University of London, says woke is about “making sacred historically marginalized race, gender and sexual identity groups with equality and emotional safety as its pillars.”

The making sacred part is problematic. And since we are not all equal, so is the idea of equality.

Expecting emotional safety and fairness from mom is natural, whereas expecting it from society as an adult is irrational, irresponsible, and, ultimately, tragically immature.

Woke reaches back into history for examples of inequity, accidental or intentional, real or imagined, which are used to besmirch the character and reputation of anyone opposing the ideology.

Typical of male systemizing brains describing feminine forces, a 1990 example of this feminization emerged with Godwin’s law of Nazi analogies which asserts that “as an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches.”

Remember, women tend to compete by maneuvering covertly using mean remarks, social exclusion, and by winning over your friends and allies (see Susan Pinker, Sexual Paradox).

Men tend to compete head on to determine expertise in a context, or status in a dominance hierarchy, which may include teasing or bullying each other, in part to test for mettle or courage.

I’ve long contended abuse of empathy is a woman’s birthright. Ask any man in a relationship and they will tell you that in an argument with their female partner she will often resort to low blows using personal information as a way to dismiss the entirety of his point of view.

Calling someone a misogynist, or a racist, or far right (or left), or homophobic, or Islamophobic, or narcissistic, or full of white privilege, or a Nazi, is too similar to ignore. The same can be said for the dismissive, “mansplaining” as a low blow kick in the nuts. You argue with a woman at your peril.

The woke trend is largely a manifestation of feminine negative emotion, be it found in women or in men. I include men in this because with male influences increasingly absent or missing from family life and because children experience family physically, many men have much of their mother’s nervous systems (which is what runs us— conscious awareness is an afterthought).

Saying we are over-mothered and under-fathered is an apt way to describe how we got here.

To be clear, feminine negative emotion is first a gift. This evolutionary adaptation allows its bearer to spot sickness in those around them and danger in the environment. Missus can spot fever in our kids a day before it shows up. My friends’ wives are the same. Undoubtedly, women see stuff that men often miss. That’s been my overwhelming experience. However, as the French say, “nous avons tous les défauts de nos qualités.” We all have the faults of our qualities.

The downside to all that negative emotion is the tendency to pathologize (and even catastrophize) widely… and sometimes indiscriminately.

And so, we see in the fem-centric early grade schools a tendency to diagnose kids with learning disabilities and dyslexia, and with ADHD and spectrum disorders at a higher than normal rate (see Bad Therapy: Why The Kids Aren’t Growing Up by Abigail Shrier for more).

The confused masses dabble in queer theory despite its dishonest and unscientific flaws. I’m referring to its focus on the fluidity and subjectivity of sexual identity making the theory unfalsifiable, a requirement for valid science. Add to this its relativistic and unscientific “socially constructed” ideas versus clear biological reality to recognize it as bullshit to confuse you.

Similar irrational arguments apply to critical race theory and implicit bias testing. While mild awareness of personal prejudices serve society as a whole (people have preferences), seeing race as the central organizing feature of a group is an oversimplification which omits class, gender, and most critically, individual agency in the success or failure of an individual. The theory is divisive… and also unfalsifiable, making it equally invalid scientifically. It’s more bullshit to make people feel bad.

Colonialism is another oversimplification which ignores historical context. It neglects diverse perspectives and motivations as well as the norms and ethics of the time. It concentrates solely on exploitation and oppression while ignoring adaptation and resistance. It posits moral certainty and passes anachronistic judgments and fails to consider counterfactual benefits.

Flora and fauna have moved around the earth since the beginning exploiting available environmental niches to make life possible. Humans do the same… only we can defend borders. If you can’t or won’t defend your borders, you don’t have a country. That’s how it works.

Moreover, applying contemporary ethics to historical events is an act of “presentism” which any rookie historian will tell you is dishonest because it’s bound to lack nuance and leaves one open to ideological bias. The colonial decriers make many of you responsible for history: more bullshit.

White privilege is another unfalsifiable boondoggle which hits all the unscientific hallmarks. It’s ambiguous and too broad to be measurable, focusing as it does on group identity over the individual. At some point you may have read about the sacrosanct statistical rule, “correlation is not causation,” something ignored in this case. And there are plenty of losers who are white ffs.

It makes black success an anomaly.  That means if you are white your success was because you were white, if you are black and do well, you got lucky. More victimizing bullshit.

All of these forces, queer theory and gender as socially constructed, critical race theory and implicit biases, and white privilege and colonialism, are manifestations of a doom and gloom “heavens are falling,” feminine negative emotion. Confused men do it too.

This has implications around the ideas of climate change, overpopulation, and other supposed threats. It’s not that we don’t have real problems to solve, it’s that the gift spots sickness in those nearby and danger in the larger environment with a downside that, well, misery loves company…

How will we answer for our modern hysterias and social contagions in the years to come? What will we tell our grandchildren when they asked why it is we dropped the ball?

Let me give you some essential truths, something you as an individual can apply to your own approach to life forevermore (and even teach to your children and maybe your friends).

You own just three things, and you have but three things to offer. All of us, no exceptions.

You own your thoughts, feelings and behaviour. That’s it. Everything else is transiently impermanent. You have three things to offer the world: your time, your talent, and your effort. These are the great equalizers.

Your thoughts are all yours, thousands per day, mostly repetitive, some new, all based on concepts formed from your databank of prior experiences.

Your feelings, however fleeting, are also all yours and no one can make you feel anything.

You own what you do, good and bad, and these actions will largely define you.

And, you have but three things to offer this world. Just three.

You spend your time wisely or foolishly, ultimately under your prerogative and control.

You have measures of talent, to be sharpened as if taking stone to steel and honed into strengths.

You decide how much effort to expend at what, hopefully making a positive difference each day.

If you came to my house and asked my two children, “What is happiness,” both will answer immediately, “It’s a decision.” As humans mature, optimistically they come to realize that no one makes us happy, or sad, without our full permission.

To that end, men need to reclaim responsibility for their part in the culture. Team Human requires collaboration, problem solving, and responsibility. That’s the path to meaning.

You were chosen for life by heavens of infinite wisdom and safeguarded for a time under the promise of orderly good intentions coupled with the chaotic reality of perfectly imperfect parenting.

You need to realize that you were once the boy your caregivers made but, as an adult, you build a man from your own experiences.

An adult male in a male-female relationship must know to not take things personally. He accepts her negative emotion as the downside of her gifts and doesn’t allow it to move him off his mission.

In this way, he defends the both of them. Society requires the same masculine force for good.

This is how he moves past the egocentricity of a childish reliance on maternal acceptance and is no longer beholden to those maternal forces which at one time were the center of his universe.

This is how he operates beyond leveraged compliance under the demands of threat and reward parenting and the insinuated possibility of abandonment.

There are women in the culture who ably team up with men and form an effective yang force in counter to the challenges of the destructive yin force and its manifest woke’isms.

These blessed sisters stress tested the culture and having found it amiss, sounded alarms.

But they are few… and they cannot fix things without partnering with male culture builders.

It is men who must emerge from their confusing hypnosis and stand for Team Human.

Only men working together can ensure society awakens from this nightmare.

Questions? Comments? 

True and free…
cw

* from the upcoming book, Reverse The Flow, due out by 14Feb2025

 

CHRISTOPHER K WALLACE, BST, CH, CPIC Father, Husband, Counsellor, Mentor, and Advisor to Men ™
chris@advisortomen.com
advisortomen.com
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NICE GUY NERVOUS SYSTEM


Nice Guy Syndrome for what it truly is…

Second wave feminism arose during the ’50s, ’60s, and ’70s during the baby boom in a great vacuum of male weakness. It was a time of turmoil where many ideals were being challenged.

One of the results was a striking increase of women attending post-secondary education. Male dominated departments were suddenly overwhelmed with new perspectives on science. That continues today.

One of the brilliant researchers to come out of that educational era is Shelley Taylor. Taylor realized most all the work on fear to date had been done with male subjects.

She began with rodents in her lab and saw that when under threat, the females tended to affiliate with each other. Some of the males did so too but it was primarily a female response to stress.

I first came upon her work on what she called “tend and befriend” for females under threat about ten years ago while researching my first book, Drinkers Riddle.

In fact, in chapter one of Sipping Fear Pissing Confidence (Crux Bamboozle) I posit this typically feminine response to fear is also at the crux of a woman’s alcohol intoxication.

On occasion, I might mention this to the men I work with, i.e. that if he’s buying her drinks and thinks she’s sweet on him, it may not be him, but the booze.

Upon hearing my explanation, one man I worked with said, “You just ruined my life.”

We had a good laugh about that.

Let the truth set you free, I say.

Others since have described Taylor’s “tend and befriend” as “fawn,” which fits nicely with fight, flight, fawn, freeze.

What’s this got to do with men? Plenty.

You see, parents install abandonment fear in a child to leverage survival. They are perfectly imperfect in the way they do this.

Their approach can range from teaching you how to look both ways before stepping on a road (so you don’t get run over), or to hold mom’s hand in a mall parking lot for the same reasons.

I am sure you’ll agree those are fairly innocent, necessary, and unavoidable interventions.

But it can also mean threatening to send a child away to Boys Reformatory at age six because your two big brothers and their boisterous play inside the house were driving her nuts (as in my case).

There are a multitude of circumstances where a child might acquire the idea that mom (or dad) will leave them behind. We are sensitive to these things from the start.

Often, I relate how the baby arrives at birth and the greatest sales job on the planet occurs when the newborn convinces mom to take it under her care. Crying, clutching, and smell are some of the ways a baby sells her on NOT abandoning her or him… to the elements and the animals.

It’s primal stuff, for sure. Furthermore, in the beginning the child has no idea of the separation between them and mom, something it only realizes in the months ahead. That egocentricity remains in the human animal in diminishing degrees for life. We have self-interested brains.

You have a brain for executive function, as well as a spinal column with peripheral nerves for fight or flight. Internally, the vagus nerve connects all your internal organs, your skin, even your balls, and is wired into two places in the brain stem to keep the brain apprised of your body state.

The lowest order nervous system uses the dorsal vagus (digestion, sex, freeze) for immobilization and is the most ancient at around 500 million years old.

Fight and flight occur instantaneously through activations from the spinal column to musculature and is said to have developed some 400 million years ago.

Both of these nervous system functions are in place in the first trimester of gestation.

The upper ventral vagus controlling heart, lungs, throat, voice and facial muscles came with the advent of mammals some 200 million years ago.

It is used to convey feelings and to discern other’s emotional states using facial expressions and voice. It also regulates our internal homeostasis (emotional balance).

This part of your nervous system only comes online in the third trimester of pregnancy, presumably when the baby begins to hear its mother’s voice outside the womb.

At birth, mom’s use of “motherese” talk (ex. “Oh, my little man, are you hungry?” said in a sing song voice) continues the nervous system training.

It’s from these humble beginnings over the first fourteen years of life that the child more or less forges an emotional template for connection.

So two things: protection mode is primarily lower order dorsal and peripheral nervous system activation while connection mode uses ventral nervous system activation for reassurance and to restore emotional balance. Secondly, we are herd animals.

So why is “fawn” relevant to the average nice guy? For several reasons.

Nowadays, we tend to be over-mothered and under-fathered, and children experience families physically.

This means that little boys will see their nervous system attune to their mother’s nervous system for survival reasons. All mammals do this to some degree in the wild.

It’s why I can spot deer through my monocular lens in the bush while hiding behind a tree and see her ears scanning the area like radars looking for me though I remain hidden.

Beside her, a fawn remains immobilized. It knows something is up with mom so doesn’t dare move.

Women generally carry more negative emotion, which having read me before you realize is an evolutionary adaptation she uses for survival.

If a child’s main exposure in the family is mom, and there are little or no countering male influences of note, expect that child to grow up with a sensitivity, if not a propensity, for anxiety and depression, more often than not.

That’s how it works.

Shelley Taylor’s research showed that males tended towards fight or flight, while females more easily resorted to tend and befriend.

Oxytocin, critical in caregiving, is thought to play a role in this need to connect to others by way of the opioid system which regulates reward and pain related behaviours by acting to mitigate fight or flight. Under threat, women tend to good will, or at least hope for it.

psychcentral.com article mentions these ways fawning shows up:
– stifling your own needs
– finding authentic self-expression challenging
– flying under the radar
– having trouble saying “no”
– over-apologizing
– holding back opinions or preferences that might seem controversial
– experiencing chronic pain or illness
– having depression,
– trouble with personal boundaries
– assuming responsibility for the emotional reactions and responses of others
– fixing or rescuing people from their problems
– attempting to control other’s choices to maintain a sense of emotional safety
– denying your own discomfort, complaints, pain, needs, and wants
– changing your preferences to align with others.

Sound familiar? Don’t get too hung over trauma as it’s tossed around all over the internet. Instead…

Notice how these are part and parcel Nice Guy traits.

It’s why I tell anxious men they have their mother’s nervous system.

So, what do? This nervous system template was the best mom (and possibly dad) could do under the circumstances.

I often tell men that if your parent’s kept you alive until age twenty and you can say please and thank you, as far as nature’s concerned, they have done their job.

What’s important is to realize they were a stepping stone along your journey, and as an adult, you retain the right and obligation to update your operating system to meet the demands of life around you.

Remember that Nice Guys have a shame- and anxiety-based syndrome sourced in abandonment fear.

So, the idea is to take the Taming Shame course and learn how to integrate the Younger Self.

One way to do that is to confront each of the behaviours on this list at a minimum and instead of “falling into fawn, freeze or fight or flight,” meet them proactively and assertively head-on.

You do that by pushing through your resistance and enacting a different response using thought, feeling and behaviour.

That’s all you own in life brother, what you think, how you feel, and what actions you take.

In my experience, once you do the above and forge new ways of doing things in a circumstance a handful to times, you have handed your nervous system a fresh concept it can use as a template to use again and again in the future.

At that point, you have upgraded your nervous system and it’s much less likely to regress to the old ways of doing things. In effect, you have updated your O/S.

But keep in mind, some of these new ways will transpose themselves onto other similar contexts, but it’s unlikely to happen completely. Old ways are on autopilot to save the brain energy.

It is more likely that you will need to recognize when you are in protection mode versus connection mode and realize an opportunity to upgrade.

The Taming Shame course teaches all that.

In this way, you update your model of the world and make one more step forward in the face of fear.

Do it for you, for the people around you, for the culture at large. It is men who balance out the two genders, masculine and feminine.

She is the burdened female creator of life.
He is the expendable male powerful defender of life.
Together, with some overlap, they are Team Human.

If a man refuses to be a powerful defender of life, he reverts to expendability.

Don’t let that happen.

The world desperately needs powerful men.

Questions? Comments?

true and free…
cw

CHRISTOPHER K WALLACE, BST, CH, CPIC
Counsellor, Mentor, and Advisor to Men ™

chris@advisortomen.com
advisortomen.com
Book with me here:
https://go.oncehub.com/ChristopherWallace
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SIPPING FEAR PISSING CONFIDENCE

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WHY TAME SHAME?

WHY TAME YOUR SHAME…

Glover tells us the Nice Guy Syndrome is an anxiety and shame based syndrome sourced in abandonment fear.

As far as I am concerned, the most important understanding a man can learn is how his past is affecting his present. Oh I know, we believe we are running things, and perhaps that belief is necessary to our existence. But it’s not what’s going on.

It’s why every man should do the Taming Shame course. Now, grant you, some men will try it and abandon it because it doesn’t fit the narrative of what they are telling themselves. Why is that?

It’s because the Integrated Nervous System denies, distorts and represses inner and/or outer reality to lessen anxiety and depression. The Integrated Nervous System is also called Ego.

You have a set up that believes it is in charge, but really is not, because to understand the truth is too threatening.

That said, if you can get what I am telling you and adopt it into your life, you will find a radical responsibility take hold, as opposed to confusion, irresponsibility, and even despair.

This my good men, is where your freedom lies…

Let me repeat that you are run by your nervous system with conscious awareness along for the ride. What you feel today, you have felt before.

There is nothing new to the predictive brain which relies on past experiences to make context dependent predictions in the moment.

As you let that mouthful of a last sentence sink in, consider there is more…

Imagine how information from your surroundings is picked up by your senses and directed by the thalamus to various areas of the brain.

Realize too that the sense of smell has its own routes through two olfactory bulbs situated just above the nasal cavity under the forebrain. (More reason to groom yourself, especially if you are around women because her sense of smell is acute).

Practically speaking, there is a difference between walking down the street of a small town in the middle of the day and hustling along a sidewalk in South Chicago after dark. You know this

The environment acts on the body, be it from people, your location, from the wind, rain, sun, darkness of night or light of day, cold of winter, heat of summer, how you are dressed, etc..

These outside influences mix with your internal state.

By that I mean you might be cold or hot, tired from a sleepless night, or hungry because it’s near mealtime.

Maybe you are exhausted from working out or working at your job.

You could be suffering from seasonal allergies or a cold or flu.

Or perhaps you are thirsty and even, dehydrated.

These external and internal conditions combine to create two shades of something called affect: valence and arousal. Are you comfortable or uncomfortable, aroused or relaxed?

This affective body state gets sent upstairs by special electrical and chemical messengers to the brain stem with primary, secondary and tertiary effects.

We should mention affective reality: that’s when we give too much credence to our body state and fail to weigh alternatives. We can be fooled by this.

The body keeps the score someone said. How many times has my bad back decided my attitude and made my decisions?

In any given moment your brain is using concepts and beliefs from your databank of prior events to make a predictive guess to fit the context, and then corrects after the fact with social reality.

The same thing is happening to those around you.

Last week Missus was a little cuntish during our date. She’d had a couple of glasses of wine so I figured I’d be cool.

The next day, I knew she was feeling a little sheepish. I could surmise that her brain was alternating between justifying what she said… with doubt about her approach.

So I told her, “Honey, you know, when you get like that with me I don’t think it’s you that is showing up. You are not that mean. I think you sometimes treat me the way your mother treated you. But that is not the real you and I know it. Because you are an amazing gal and that’s the person I like to take on dates.”

She’s been walking with an extra spring in her step all week.

Her mother was and is damaged to the point most of us would describe her as evil. I can only imagine her upbringing given the way she brought up her own kids.

My Missus’ mother is not part of our lives. My children may never even meet her. That’s how it is for now.

As the powerful defender of life, one of my jobs is to recognize when grandma evil shows up, through Missus, and affects my children or is directed at me.

I never would have been able to do that kind of defending without first taming my own shame all those years ago. My own defensiveness would have kicked in and… mayhem.

I had a man recently message in the TS community that he bought the course last year and left it aside after starting it. Something made him take it up again and BOOM! he had a breakthrough.

Now he’s formed a relationship with his Younger Self and is well on his way to Integration.

I want that for everyone of you. 600 men have taken the course, don’t leave that stone unturned. Every man should take it.

Someone else wrote “Feelings are predictive, not reactive?”
and a day or two later sends “Chris, this is spot on for me. I’m working this program diligently…”

He even added to this today, “This reparenting program is really helping me. It sounded Oogabooga, but it’s working…”

Lastly, I can assure you as someone who has read a book per week minimum my whole life and studied behavioural sciences for almost 4 decades, there is no replacement for the work.

You simply must train your nervous system to act differently in the world and in the course of daily existence in order to live intentionally and fulfill your desires and promise.

Because that’s how it works.

Questions? Comments?

true and free…
CW

© Christopher K Wallace 16 July 2024

chris@advisortomen.com
advisortomen.com

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