WHAT DO YOU WANT?
(Reverse The Flow book chapter)
Let’s start with the question that cracks open everything else:
What do you want?
It sounds simple. But it isn’t.
Most men never really ask it straight. We go through life doing what is expected, what’s easy, what pays. We take jobs, follow rules, get degrees, sign papers, and pay bills.
When you were less than two years of age, you gave none of this any concern.
You were pure raw being, arriving just the way the heavens intended: perfectly imperfect.
All exploration, curiousity, creativity and intuition and imagination. Then, you learned your first word within your first three months (usually dada) and everyone was overjoyed at this milestone.
You were tickled and smiled at and cooed upon for speaking on command.
Only, as your language understanding increased, your caregiver’s demands rose along with it.
Soon you were being directed at every turn. How to use the potty, how to eat, how to play, how to sleep, what to say and to whom. This is the great after-build, the “souping up” of your intellectual and emotional and behavioural engine.
You learned to tow the line, under what Carl Jung called “the conforming ego.” Why ego? The integrated nervous system is those 86 billion nerves of the brain and another 500 million in the body. These combine to run the system, denying, distorting, repressing inner and/or outer reality to lessen anxiety and depression.
Language thickened the corpus callosum, the bundle of nerves between your two hemispheres.
Language altered a part of the prefrontal cortex (Broca’s area), to get better at processing speech and understanding what others might be thinking while also improving your verbal memory and speech processing.
Possibly to make room, language shifted primary facial recognition to the right hemisphere, whereas humans usually use both. It also made you more analytical, and judgmental.
We learn to judge people and circumstances, but most of all ourselves. We learn to see ourselves through the eyes of others, our caregiver’s nervous system responses echoing in our own.
But deep down, in the quiet of a sleepless night or at the edge of a campfire’s glow, the question returns like an echo: What do you want?
Not what your boss wants.
Not what your parents hoped for.
Not what your partner nags about.
Not what the world says you should want.
What do you want?
The First Roadblock: We’ve Forgotten How to Want
As boys, we wanted things with fire in our bellies—dinosaurs, rocket ships, to be a knight, a builder, a pirate, a protector, a HERO.
But something happened. We got civilized. We got shamed. Guilted. Punished. Corrected.
We got scared. We were told to sit still, stop daydreaming, play safe, aim small. CONFORM!
So, we buried the wanting. Buried it under school, work, sports, porn, weed, debt, devices, and silence. But just because we buried it doesn’t mean it died.
It’s still alive—under the surface—like coals waiting for air.
This is your wake-up.
Let’s fan the flame.
History: Your Long Line of Wanting Men
Back in the day, almost every woman got pregnant — “even retarded girls,” according to emeritus psychologist Roy Baumeister, PhD.
But probably only half the men fathered children.
Think about it, outside the odd “sneaky fucker,” most men had to be capable enough to protect a family, deliver sustenance, and make good decisions for them all, especially when she’s “in a family way.” 100 years ago, infectious disease caused 50% infant mortality. Survivors were miracles.
You come from this diverse maternity and discerning paternity to stand for Team Human.
Defend, Deliver, Decide.
You come from men who wanted something.
They braved oceans, fought wars, carved farms out of wilderness, built homes with their hands, protected kin, raised their sons with discipline and dreams. These weren’t passive men. They weren’t “going with the flow.” They wanted something—and they moved toward it with grit.
Don’t buy the lie that your history is shameful or worthless. That’s the poison of a confused culture that’s afraid of strong men.
Let me explain this further. Women carry double or more the negative emotion than do men. In a feminized culture, almost all the news is bad. Do not take it personally.
Your lineage isn’t perfect, but it’s powerful in its mystery. Let it fill you with awe. You stand on the shoulders of men who wanted more than survival. They wanted legacy.
So should you.
Talent: What Comes Naturally
Every man is wired for something. Some build, some fix, some speak, some hunt, some lead. You have natural instincts—clues to your talent.
The modern world confuses this by trying to make every man a cog in a machine. School trims the edges. Work dulls the shine. But your real work comes from your talent.
Start paying attention again. Watch for these clues…
What do you do with ease that others struggle to do?
What do others always ask your help with?
What fascinates you?
When have you thought, “I bet I could do that?”
What gives you satisfaction?
What puts you in “the zone?”
You weren’t made generic. You’re meant to contribute in a way only you can.
There has never been another you, there will never be another, you are a one-of-a-kind human.
Values: What You Stand For
A man without values is just a leaf in the wind—blown around by every trend, woman, government, or guilt trip.
Your values are your inner compass. They are the ideas you give a shit about.
Do you value truth? Freedom? Brotherhood? Loyalty? Strength? Order? Adventure?
If you don’t know—decide now. Write them down. No more drifting.
What you want must be anchored to what you value. Otherwise, your wants will become addictions, distractions, or traps.
Experience: The Lessons That Scar and Shape
You’ve been through things.
Loss. Betrayal. Hard days. Easy days. Joy. Frustration. Maybe divorce. Addiction. Failure. Being broke. Being lied to. Being unsure. Being hurt, or maybe even being saved.
Every scar is a teacher.
Don’t waste your pain. Mine it for wisdom. Let it show you what matters. What you don’t want. What must never happen again. That’s how experience guides you toward what you do want.
Remember this wisdom from my teacher when she told me, “Everyone makes the best decisions for themselves at the time. If you could have made a better one, you would have.”
Hindsight is an unreliable window through which to fairly view what has already happened. After all, any coward can judge history.
The better man accepts the past and is determined to learn from it.
If you ignore your past, you repeat it. If you learn from it, you become a dangerous man—in the best way.
Make your suffering pay. Always.
Dreams & Imagination: Practice for the Future
You’re allowed to dream. In fact, if you’re not dreaming, you’re already dying.
Men imagine solutions. We see a broken fence and picture it rebuilt. We see a better way to teach, lead, coach, love. The problem is, we stop trusting our imagination. We call it “childish” or “stupid.” We get embarrassed as we imagine how other’s judge us. There’s that “others” again.
But that picture in your mind of the better life—the one where you walk taller, sleep deeply, lead with strength—that’s not fantasy. That’s your inner man calling you forward.
Einstein said this: “Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we know now and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there will ever be to know and understand.”
The world needs imaginative men. Imaginative Team Human men.
He also said, “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift, and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honours the servant and forgotten the gift.”
Einstein died a couple of years before I was born but already calling us out. Can you see how? Look at this summary from a man whose life was dedicated to chronicling what we have done:
Sam Francis argues that the modern bureaucratic state, which he terms “Leviathan,” (book title) seeks to consolidate power by undermining traditional societal structures, localism, and cultural heritage. This “managerial elite” class, made up of state bureaucrats and corporate leaders, uses government influence, media, and cultural narratives to maintain control. Francis suggests that this elite system’s aim is not only to govern but to reshape society in ways that undermine historical identities, communities, and personal freedoms.
In hindsight, perhaps we should have kept retail closed on Sundays…
Imagination is the workshop of your masculine destiny.
Curiosity: The Engine of Change
Curiosity is holy. It’s what built fire, forged steel, split atoms, mapped oceans, landed men on the moon. It was present in you in your early years, where is it now?
You’re meant to ask questions.
“Why do I feel stuck?”
“Why do I numb out at night?”
“What would happen if I actually tried?”
“What else is possible for a man like me?”
Ask better questions. Then follow the answers.
Curiosity doesn’t just change your mind. It changes your direction.
Intuition: The Quiet Yes or No
Most men ignore their gut. We’ve been trained to doubt it. But that knot in your stomach when something’s off? Or maybe it’s just an “inkling,” you suppress… Compare that to the electric hum when something’s right? That’s not nonsense. That’s your inner compass.
Here’s a rule to use: If you don’t know much about a subject, let analysis do its thing. If you know a lot about a subject, trust your gut more.
I can take my car into the mechanic suspecting various things. He will listen to my engine for twenty seconds, tell me to shut if off, and diagnose exactly what it needs. He has developed intuition.
Start listening. Your gut may be the only voice left in this world that tells you the truth without trying to sell you something.
Don’t rely on it completely but always include it in the conversation.
When you know, you know. Don’t ignore it.
Exploration: The Risk Worth Taking
The path to what you want is rarely clear at the start.
That’s okay.
Life is not a straight road. It’s a trail you bushwhack one step at a time. You don’t need a full plan. You need to move. Try things. Fail. Learn. Try again.
You don’t explore expecting to find the perfect path. You pick up clues along the way which add up to direction of what is possible.
You explore to become the kind of man who can walk any path.
Creativity: The Gift You Forgot You Had
You don’t have to be an artist to be creative.
Every man creates. Some with words, some with wood, some with muscle, some with strategy.
To be a man is to make something out of something less, bringing order to chaos.
That’s what builders do.
That’s what warriors do.
That’s what fathers do.
That’s what kings do.
You were born to create. Not just to consume. Not just to obey.
To create something better with the life you’ve been given.
So—Back to the Question
What do you want?
Ask it. Don’t rush. Let it sit.
Let the answers come from deep, not shallow. From strength, not fear. From spirit, not shame.
You may not know exactly. That’s fine. Start with clues:
What do I miss?
What do I long for?
What would make me stand up straighter?
What would make my son proud?
Follow those sparks. Write them down.
Speak those ideas aloud. Share them with men who can reflect back truth.
And when the answer comes? Own it.
Not someday.
Now.
Because the world doesn’t need more obedient, nice, hollow men.
It needs you—a man who knows what he wants and walks toward it like it matters.
Because it does.
Look at any successful man and you will find others who helped him after buying into his dreams.
No one makes it alone. Power & Love: problem solving and collaboration.
A man who can use his talents to make a difference around him usually finds his very own place in the sun.
And he may do it more than once.
So… what do you want?
True and free…
©2025 Christopher K. Wallace, Advisor to Men ™
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