Self-Compassion Hack: countering judgment
Almost from the time of birth we make judgments.
In his book, Just Babies, Paul Bloom writes of an experiment with one-year-olds. Three puppets are put in front of the child. The puppet in the middle rolls a ball to the puppet on the right, and this puppet rolls the ball back. Then the puppet in the middle rolls the ball to the puppet on the left, and this puppet fucks off with the ball.
Afterwards, the same three puppets are placed in front of the child with a cookie in front of each of them. Who knows, maybe one of those delicious Arrowroot biscuits I used to like as a kid. The child is invited to go and take a treat from one of the puppets. Which one do you think it turns to? If you instinctively said the puppet who fucked off with the ball, you’d be correct. Bloom reports this is what happens most of the time.
Bloom sums things up saying, “It starts with what we are born with, and this is surprisingly rich: babies are moral animals equipped by evolution with empathy and compassion, the capacity to judge the actions of others and even some rudimentary understanding of justice and fairness.”
Now take those humble beginnings and amplify them during the aging process from babies to adults. Amplify is the correct word because the basic judgments of childhood intensify and become a way of life as we reach maturity.
We judge ourselves harshly, others mercilessly, and circumstances unfortunately.
Our self-judgment keeps us more than just in check, it imbues us with fear and subdues the spirit. Judging others ensures the belonging we so desperately need is always inadequate. By constantly judging circumstances as less than ideal, we force ourselves to live in the future and don’t see the gifts found in everyday life… for happiness is a decision only found in the present.
Compassionate self-forgiveness is one of your best counters to judgment because most judgment occurs within our hearts and minds without the involvement of others. Judgment is an inside job and so, that’s where we aim compassion.
If you feel put off by your significant other or a parent or co-worker, recognize the shift in feelings inside you that goes along with it, knowing at that very moment the other person has no idea of the judgments going on inside you. These are your thoughts and feelings and yours alone.
So, we take a deep breath and take full ownership of how we think and feel and forgive ourselves for judging the other person. Suddenly an emotional shift is made because internally we are no longer withdrawing from someone but reconnecting. Frustration leaves and power and love prevail.
We do the same thing when we find that we judge ourselves harshly. I forgive myself for being so judgmental of me and the negativity fades… and power and love prevail.
The same applies to circumstances, especially the usual, “I will be happy when this happens… or that happens.” I forgive myself for being so judgmental and my frustration fades, power and love prevail. Suddenly, I see things heretofore I could not, finding wonder in circumstances that I had no idea was there.
Practiced regularly, a whole new world opens. More importantly, a certain peace comes over you as you move into everyday life operating from the master self, where power and love prevail.
Power & Love
True & Free
cw
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