Often I see a debate arise about women and alcohol. More specifically, married women or women in relationships who head out to the clubs drinking with single friends.
Of course, you can be sure that MOST men object to this, at least publicly (who knows what is actually going on within their individual homes).
Nevertheless, I see this as a good sign. That these males have the good instincts to reject the idea of women drinking unaccompanied is a breath of fresh air.
We need more of it. We need more men defending their marriages by not only earning the respect of their partners through his deeds, but also, when necessary, by setting limits to his tolerance.
Respect is earned or taken.
The most important word in any language is no. Scarcity drives value. If you fail to say no when no is needed, your yes means less. To say no often and yes sometimes is good practice.
The other side of it goes something like this:
“In my opinion, if the relationship is solid – and this is the key here – then there’s nothing to worry about regardless of where she goes. And if it’s not solid, then how can anyone let her go anywhere – the store, to school to pick up children… if she can’t be trusted, it’s not like ‘going to a bar’ is going to be the only place she’s successful at being unfaithful. She’ll find it.”
Fair enough? Not at all. It’s arguing apples and oranges (as you shall see).
If I had a dollar for the number of times I have had a woman complain in counseling about her husband NOT defining clear boundaries for the both of them, I could take the rest of the year off.
Men lead, women command. Either you lead or you will be commanded. My bet is that you won’t like that.
Setting limits around booze and women is not about masculine tyranny, but rather failing to do so is a weak abdication of his duty to protect them both.
If a married or LTR gal is out at a club drinking with her single friends, and the man who is left at home is fine with this, he’s sick. He’s afflicted with feminized society dis-ease, something you all are witnessing around you and across the world each day.
Not only is this inappropriate for a married gal, if you as the man are failing to establish this boundary it means she will respect you even less.
You are asking to be taken for granted. (“Oh, he doesn’t care…he’s at home with the kids playing video games…”)
Now, I concede that the fact you don’t know to do this and stand up for you both is likely not your fault.
This is several generations in the making for reasons too long to go into here. Suffice it to say, now.. you do know and I’ll spell things out for you in black and white. Men earn respect by deeds… or take it with limits.
Women typically experience medical conditions, disease pathways, and medicines, differently that their male counterparts. This is well documented in the literature from heart attacks to stroke and… even to the common cold.
Therefore, it should surprise no one that women experience fear differently than men. They are nature’s designated caregivers, and often have children or elderly parents to care for, or otherwise work helping people. Nature adapted her to cope when things go awry.
Under attack, she can’t just grab her spear and shield and fuck off into the forest. So, she evolved strategies that would keep her and her charges alive, hopefully long enough for the males of her clan to circle back and effect a counterattack and rescue.
Whereas men in fear lean towards fight or flight, fearful women use tend and befriend, or a fawning behavior to survive.
Alcohol activates the HPA axis, the hypothalamus, pituitary, adrenal functions governing sympathetic fear responses with an increased heart rate, blood pressure, shallowed breathing and narrowed focus. In other words, booze creates a fear state.
That’s why you see men get drunk and fight each other. Women? Well…
Women should never drink around men unless a father, brother, or husband is there to protect her.
And for all you guys who think some dame drinking cocktails at the bar is sweet on you, it’s just the booze (read the book SIPPING FEAR PISSING CONFIDENCE for the detailed science).
Another important distinction is that you and your partner exist as a couple in a social context. Not only must your woman respect and remain loyal to you, but she must also never do anything that even remotely looks to others as if she is anything less than 100% committed to you. You must lead your relationship and do the same for her.
With all due respect, it is such bullshit to call men insecure about women and booze when a man objects to her drinking unchaperoned.
In fact, it’s hypocrisy.
It’s not the woman… it’s the booze which impairs judgment.
It’s the booze that creates a body fear state which makes her fawn.
I’ve written books about it (as mentioned) and cover this in SIPPING FEAR PISSING CONFIDENCE in the first chapter.
One man used to picking up women in bars said this knowledge ruined his life.
Being lackadaisical and tolerating a woman drinking without you being there is a failure to defend her.
Yet, there are those who are willing to tolerate drunk wives, so he does not appear “insecure.”
